Tonight the freshman class went to the Mall of America for free rides in Nickelodeon Universe and entrance into Sea Life Aquarium. In and of itself, the Mall was not terribly exciting; the interesting part happened afterward.
Six of us decided to go out to Dinkytown when we got back, around 12:30 a.m., to get some food. Mesa Pizza was just a tad crowded so we opted for Five Guys. Things were going just swimmingly when 5 people who Jack, Basel and I graduated with, walked in completely wasted. This itself was rather interesting talk, but then one of them, John, decided to leave. Just a few minutes later we saw him carefully peering into the windows. Somewhat regular drunken behavior I suppose, except the restaurant was full of people, was well lighted, and had full frontal windows. After he seemed to have decided it was worth re-entering, he opened up the first door.
There he met a challenge: On the left was the entrance door, containing a handle. Directly in front of him was an exit with no handle on the outside. His alcohol-induced mind seemed to be thinking in an acutely one-directional fashion, leading him to charge forward, determined, directly into the exit. Infinitely confused by the lack of movement, he continued to push against it multiple times. A puzzled look crossed his face as he searched blindly for help. Finally he kicked the door and left.
Later on, after we had finished our meal and continued to laugh at what we had just saw, suddenly there John was again across the road, jogging at a brisk pace toward a stoplight. There he stopped, a little confused, until another group of people yelled at him. Little interaction occurred, and we saw him texting and calling someone. We assumed he was calling his friends, who had neglected to notice his little plight with doors, wondering why the restaurant was closed and what they could possibly do to let him in.
It is interesting to see people you have known for years in such a state of disrepair. But that doesn't dull the humor.
It was hard to decide whether the ladies who asked us if we knew how to Tango, John, or the guy who ate a raw potato while waiting in line took the win for best part of our first night out off of campus (all three groups/people were drunk), but I believe it has decidedly gone to John.
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Saturday, August 30, 2014
Open Letter to CLA Students
Disclaimer: If you need a disclaimer to understand the satire in this post then you are probably in CLA.
To whom it may concern:
First I would like to sincerely congratulate you on being accepted into the least prestigious college of one of the most prestigious research universities in the country. Your accomplishments thus far in your life are something to be spoken of often; it must pointed out though that they will be spoken of in condescending, mocking tones by those in other colleges.
I must articulate my excitement to meet all of you on campus or in Dinky Town as you stumble along the street, asking me for help on how to find food or a bathroom. Slurred speech, drool and all, it is intriguing to think how much worse you can be when this is my impression of you when you are sober. And while I am excited to see you all, it is true that statistically I will only see sixty percent of you return next year.
The excellent education that you came here for is something I feel we can connect with. I love hearing about the Art History and Political Science majors, as I have always felt that we need more museum curators and politicians in this country. Noble pursuits are they. But I do prefer to converse with the English majors so they can remind me of their ability to almost speak it. As to those in Leadership and Communications, I look forward to seeing your seminars posted on the bulletin board outside of my office.
Admittedly I am not being fair. There are plenty of very intelligent people in the College of Liberal Arts. I look forward to meeting all of my fellow Math or Physics majors who received a B.A. instead of a B.S. at my child's sixth grade conferences. Also Anthropologists have always struck me as quite intelligent as they have a fine understanding of infinite loops; namely how anthropologists have nothing to do but teach other people about anthropology.
Among the most interesting majors to me in the College of Liberal Arts are those of the form [Insert Minority] Studies. The motivation to take courses in these is fairly reasonable, as current events and twelve years of public schooling often do not contain enough information on social tension and the problems that minorities face. So maybe $100,000 and four years may make you a more informed citizen.
I also noticed, and it was a disappointing realization, that there is no White Male Studies program. But then a friend from CBS pointed out that is simply a history major.
Overall it is important to realize that you did make it into the University of Minnesota, and are becoming a member of the local community and you have the opportunity to change the world. Chances are though, you're in CLA because you probably did not try to change the world even a little bit in high school. Good luck though; mediocrity is sexy.
To whom it may concern:
First I would like to sincerely congratulate you on being accepted into the least prestigious college of one of the most prestigious research universities in the country. Your accomplishments thus far in your life are something to be spoken of often; it must pointed out though that they will be spoken of in condescending, mocking tones by those in other colleges.
I must articulate my excitement to meet all of you on campus or in Dinky Town as you stumble along the street, asking me for help on how to find food or a bathroom. Slurred speech, drool and all, it is intriguing to think how much worse you can be when this is my impression of you when you are sober. And while I am excited to see you all, it is true that statistically I will only see sixty percent of you return next year.
The excellent education that you came here for is something I feel we can connect with. I love hearing about the Art History and Political Science majors, as I have always felt that we need more museum curators and politicians in this country. Noble pursuits are they. But I do prefer to converse with the English majors so they can remind me of their ability to almost speak it. As to those in Leadership and Communications, I look forward to seeing your seminars posted on the bulletin board outside of my office.
Admittedly I am not being fair. There are plenty of very intelligent people in the College of Liberal Arts. I look forward to meeting all of my fellow Math or Physics majors who received a B.A. instead of a B.S. at my child's sixth grade conferences. Also Anthropologists have always struck me as quite intelligent as they have a fine understanding of infinite loops; namely how anthropologists have nothing to do but teach other people about anthropology.
Among the most interesting majors to me in the College of Liberal Arts are those of the form [Insert Minority] Studies. The motivation to take courses in these is fairly reasonable, as current events and twelve years of public schooling often do not contain enough information on social tension and the problems that minorities face. So maybe $100,000 and four years may make you a more informed citizen.
I also noticed, and it was a disappointing realization, that there is no White Male Studies program. But then a friend from CBS pointed out that is simply a history major.
Overall it is important to realize that you did make it into the University of Minnesota, and are becoming a member of the local community and you have the opportunity to change the world. Chances are though, you're in CLA because you probably did not try to change the world even a little bit in high school. Good luck though; mediocrity is sexy.
Thursday, August 28, 2014
The Sign of a Social Butterfly
Yesterday was our first full day on campus, where we ate some brunch, met our Community Adviser Joe, along with half of our floor, met a nice group of people in our college, and took a class picture while learning sports cheers. All in all, it was a very enjoyable day. And while I could tell many stories about the antics of Jack, or the issue with getting food during our Welcome Week, I want to zone in on a particular occurrence that I believe epitomized Jack's role as the social butterfly.
I will begin by stating that, in an effort to be the first off the football field after the class picture, we were eager to be the first ones on it as well, which left us (Jack, myself and our neighbor Mark) to our own devices in a cramped space for 20 minutes. And it was quite cramped. Fitting nearly 6000 people into about a third of the area of a football field isn't quite easy.
We were talking, and trying to do something more than play chopsticks, which led us to the poor decision to attempt to play ninja in this confined circle we had created about 4 feet in diameter. The first game went off without a hitch, Jack winning handily as the confined circle made dodging a blow exponentially harder. Then Mark offered we play, for lack of a better term, mini-ninja in which only the index fingers would be used or hit.
In this kind effort of ours to be more mindful of the people around us Jack nearly committed an act of blatant molestation. And no, neither Mark nor myself were the near victims, it was a nice girl named Serena behind us.
Jack, in a rather violent movement lacking much grace, was attempting to dodge one of my blows and ended up pawing this nice college freshman in the inner thigh, only inches from.. you know.
Instantly Jack apologized and tried to engage this girl in conversation. It was immediately noticeable that she was in rather good humor, but of course acting offended at the action. I apologized for my lug of a roommate, and they kept talking, finding out about her roommate, her college, that she is a volleyball player, and Jack learned this almost immediately.
It amazed me.
How does a man, a college freshman at that, essentially grope a girl, despite no intent in doing so, manage within the next 30 minutes to almost get her phone number and know where she lives? It was quite the spectacle to see how Jack instantly charmed her. And that is undeniable proof of Jack's social prowess.
In a story tangential to this one, more of an anecdote, I was waiting in line for dinner with Basel Kablawi, and he accidentally backed into a girl as she was trying to squeeze by us all. He apologized, but after she had gone by 3 or 4 steps I said, probably too loudly, "Basel, you dog!".
The girl looked back, and gave the most disgusting look I could have imagined. Luckily I don't have to act as a proper wingman quite yet.
More posts may be written about yesterday or today according to the whim of Jack and myself.
I will begin by stating that, in an effort to be the first off the football field after the class picture, we were eager to be the first ones on it as well, which left us (Jack, myself and our neighbor Mark) to our own devices in a cramped space for 20 minutes. And it was quite cramped. Fitting nearly 6000 people into about a third of the area of a football field isn't quite easy.
We were talking, and trying to do something more than play chopsticks, which led us to the poor decision to attempt to play ninja in this confined circle we had created about 4 feet in diameter. The first game went off without a hitch, Jack winning handily as the confined circle made dodging a blow exponentially harder. Then Mark offered we play, for lack of a better term, mini-ninja in which only the index fingers would be used or hit.
In this kind effort of ours to be more mindful of the people around us Jack nearly committed an act of blatant molestation. And no, neither Mark nor myself were the near victims, it was a nice girl named Serena behind us.
Jack, in a rather violent movement lacking much grace, was attempting to dodge one of my blows and ended up pawing this nice college freshman in the inner thigh, only inches from.. you know.
Instantly Jack apologized and tried to engage this girl in conversation. It was immediately noticeable that she was in rather good humor, but of course acting offended at the action. I apologized for my lug of a roommate, and they kept talking, finding out about her roommate, her college, that she is a volleyball player, and Jack learned this almost immediately.
It amazed me.
How does a man, a college freshman at that, essentially grope a girl, despite no intent in doing so, manage within the next 30 minutes to almost get her phone number and know where she lives? It was quite the spectacle to see how Jack instantly charmed her. And that is undeniable proof of Jack's social prowess.
In a story tangential to this one, more of an anecdote, I was waiting in line for dinner with Basel Kablawi, and he accidentally backed into a girl as she was trying to squeeze by us all. He apologized, but after she had gone by 3 or 4 steps I said, probably too loudly, "Basel, you dog!".
The girl looked back, and gave the most disgusting look I could have imagined. Luckily I don't have to act as a proper wingman quite yet.
More posts may be written about yesterday or today according to the whim of Jack and myself.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
The First Day of the Rest of Our Lives
Disclaimer: This initial post on this blog is not consistent with the future mood and content of future posts, nor has this been approved by the aforementioned roommate of mine. Also this is listed under CSE students only as CLA students will not understand it.
So this is it. The first day of the rest of our lives. It's move-in time for college freshmen, and whether we are moving far away or 20 minutes down the road, we are facing a cultural and social change that we have never encountered thus far in our lives.
College is a scary time. New people to meet, professors that will not cater to your every need, and for most of us, it is the first time that we are paying directly for our education. This matters now, and we have to make the most of it.
Some of us are looking for relationships, some have just ended them, and some are dreading moving apart from their significant others. The bittersweet emotions are rampant in our heads, as we try to put up a strong front for our parents. It is crazy and exciting, packing our past 18 years into boxes and heading off to something completely new. We hope to see our good friends from high school again, yet look forward to a new group of people that don't know of your embarrassing and frustrating moments, who you can tell all about your grand accomplishments in high school, and move forward with them through college.
It is a difficult time, this first day that will truly affect us for the rest of our lives. Getting off on the right foot with our roommates, our professors, throwing ourselves into the social scene, doing everything it takes to make the most out of our college experience. But this first day is stressful, it is as close to a new beginning as many people come to. Every moment matters, and that is so scary.
Yet, an important idea to remember is that each day is the first day of the rest of our lives, each day something new can happen. That doesn't mean to wait until tomorrow. Do what you want to do now. But know that this first day in college, your first day in classes, is not the say-all-end-all to the next four years of your life. Each new day offers another experience, another friend to make or concept to grasp. Enjoy these moments, and look forward to each new day as a new beginning from yesterday.
So this is it. The first day of the rest of our lives. It's move-in time for college freshmen, and whether we are moving far away or 20 minutes down the road, we are facing a cultural and social change that we have never encountered thus far in our lives.
College is a scary time. New people to meet, professors that will not cater to your every need, and for most of us, it is the first time that we are paying directly for our education. This matters now, and we have to make the most of it.
Some of us are looking for relationships, some have just ended them, and some are dreading moving apart from their significant others. The bittersweet emotions are rampant in our heads, as we try to put up a strong front for our parents. It is crazy and exciting, packing our past 18 years into boxes and heading off to something completely new. We hope to see our good friends from high school again, yet look forward to a new group of people that don't know of your embarrassing and frustrating moments, who you can tell all about your grand accomplishments in high school, and move forward with them through college.
It is a difficult time, this first day that will truly affect us for the rest of our lives. Getting off on the right foot with our roommates, our professors, throwing ourselves into the social scene, doing everything it takes to make the most out of our college experience. But this first day is stressful, it is as close to a new beginning as many people come to. Every moment matters, and that is so scary.
Yet, an important idea to remember is that each day is the first day of the rest of our lives, each day something new can happen. That doesn't mean to wait until tomorrow. Do what you want to do now. But know that this first day in college, your first day in classes, is not the say-all-end-all to the next four years of your life. Each new day offers another experience, another friend to make or concept to grasp. Enjoy these moments, and look forward to each new day as a new beginning from yesterday.
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